


Nightmares

by round_robin



Series: Not Such a Terrible Life [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Episode: s04e17 It's a Terrible Life, Established Relationship, Flashbacks, It's a Terrible Life 'verse, M/M, Military Backstory, Multi, Navy Benny, PTSD, Polyamory, army cas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-01
Updated: 2014-12-04
Packaged: 2018-02-27 16:31:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2699660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/round_robin/pseuds/round_robin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Benny and Cas have good memories of their service, and some not so good ones.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Benny

**Author's Note:**

> Full disclosure: I am an Army brat. Army family for the past five generations, I think I had an uncle in the Air Force, but no Navy whatsoever. That being said, I'm a bit of a history buff and I'm decently up on naval disasters. I got the idea for this after listening to the "Stuff You Missed in History Class" podcast about the sinking of the S5. (It's an excellent podcast series and you should go take a listen.) I've done a lot of research about submarines for other projects so I feel confident-ish that I didn't make any giant, glaring errors. That being said, if you are a Navy person: first off, thank you for your service, and second, please forgive my errors. I am more than happy to change things when presented with correct facts. Also, subs are really secret stuff and I did the best I could research wise.
> 
> I've seen PTSD first hand, it's not pretty. Benny isn't supposed to be post traumatic, but nightmares do have their own little triggers. This takes place after Technicalities and doesn't make too much sense without it, so I suggest reading that first. Still, you won't be completely blind, maybe just a little confused.
> 
> Not beta'd, so all mistakes are mine. If you find a typo, please include it with your comment and it'll be caught and shot. Enjoy!

Water poured down from above them, sloshing around their feet as they all ran to stations. Six inches already.

It was just a drill, a stupid drill. A game, even. Crash dives weren’t necessary in nuclear submarines, they were having a friendly wager with the next boat over to see who could break the record. Benny had done a lot of stupid things in his life, but nothing that could kill him, not like this.

He ran to his station, the water already up to his knees. Too fast, too fast. Vents were closed, valves were tight, every thing was how it should be. So how was the water getting in?

It was up to his waist now. The cold Atlantic swirled around him and Benny felt his chest tighten. They were well trained, prepared for anything. If there was a problem, his crew could handle it. But there was nothing! All readings were normal. It was impossible, but Benny saw it with his own eyes. Water up to his chest, freezing his blood in his veins. They were going to drown and no one would know why.

Benny’s eyes snapped open. He gasped, filling his lungs with fresh, non-recirculated air. The body next to him moved in sleep. Dean. And Cas next to him. He was home, not at the bottom of the Atlantic with a leaky sub.

He threw the covers off, planting his feet on the floor and holding his head in his hands. He wiggled his toes in the carpet. Submarines didn’t have carpets, it was just a dream. Benny gulped down lungfuls of air. He’d had this nightmare before and he knew it would pass, right now though, he still felt like he was drowning. One minute was all he needed, one more minute to get himself together.

The soft pit-pat of rain on the windows scratched at his ears. Rain, it always happened when it rained...

A hand settled on his shoulder and he twitched. No, he wasn’t back together yet. “Benny?” Dean’s sleep filled voice croaked. “What’s wrong?”

 _Please no_ , he thought. _One more minute, please_.

“Hey—” the hand tugged at his shoulder and Benny jerked his arm back, nailing Dean in the chest.

He heard Dean wheeze and bile churned in his gut. “I’m sorry,” Benny gasped out and ran for the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind him.

He wanted to make sure Dean was okay, but the still rational part of his mind told him Cas was there to handle it. He was no good to either of them in this state and he needed to get himself together first. Just a dream, he reminded himself while he cowered in the corner. Just a dream.

~

“Cas,” Dean wheezed, his breath coming in short, ragged pants.

Instantly alert, Cas started searching for the wound. “What happened?”

Dean shook his head “I’m fine. Benny—” he gasped again, a fuller breath this time. “Knocked the wind out of me.”

“Benny did this?” The larger man was absent from the bed, raising Cas’ hackles. Dean was hurt and Benny was gone. This didn’t add up.

“Nightmare,” Dean said. He managed a few deep breaths before continuing. “It’s happened before. Something about his last tour. It’s my fault, I should’ve known not to touch him.”

With Dean breathing steady, Cas turned his attention to the bathroom door. Light flooded out from the bottom and he could hear short, panicked, almost hyperventilating sounds. “I’ll go check on him.”

“He never lets me in.”

Cas smiled, stroking Dean’s cheek as he climbed from the bed. “He’ll talk to me.”

Right, they’d both served, Dean remembered. If anyone would know how to calm Benny through this, Cas would. He kissed Cas’ palm before he was out of reach and sat back in the bed, waiting for their return.

Not wanting to startle Benny again, Cas knocked as softly as he could. “Give me a minute, cher!” Benny called back, his voice tight, nothing like the deep, syrupy drawl.

“It’s Castiel,” he said. Pet names were reserved for Dean.

Benny didn’t answer at first. Cas waited patiently for him to be ready. Just as he lifted his hand to knock again, he heard, “Okay.”

He tried the knob, it wasn’t locked. He glanced back at Dean. “Please stay out here.” Dean nodded and kneaded the blankets in his hands, waiting. He knew Cas would take care of it, didn’t mean he liked waiting.

Sure that Dean wouldn’t try to intervene, Cas opened the door, closing it quickly behind him. He blinked at the light for a few seconds. When his eyes adjusted, he scanned the room and found Benny pressed against the wall between the counter and the toilet. He’d never thought a man Benny’s size could fit in that space. And yet.

Head in his hands, his knees were pulled into his chest, making himself as small as possible. He lifted his head and stared at Cas with wide eyes. Battlefield instincts had taken over: eyes open to take in everything at once, muscles tight, ready to attack or defend in equal measure.

“Dean?” Benny asked, voice shaking.

“He’s fine. No lasting damage. He’s more worried about you. As am I.” Words fell away and Benny covered his head again.

They’d been doing this for a few months now, all three of them together. Benny and Cas liked each other well enough, hell, they’d even had sex before, but always at Dean’s request. He was the reason they did this, the only thing they had in common. It was handy, like having a partner in crime. They’d tag team him in bed, fulfilling Dean’s every fantasy and even a few of their own. And when Cas was busy, he knew Dean was safe in Benny’s bed; when Benny had to work late he knew Cas would make sure Dean ate. If Dean was the one tied up at work... well, they’d all just spend the night in their own beds.

Dean was the metaphorical and literal buffer between them. Benny wasn’t quite sure what to do when it was just him and Cas. Still, he supposed a former soldier would understand his nightmares better than anyone.

Face hidden behind his knees, Benny started talking, saying what little he could. “I can’t say much, but I was on a sub for close to a year. Supposed to be three months on, three months off. Like I said, though: I can’t talk about much.

“Cigar tube, we called it. Those of a more cynical mind called it a floating coffin. My crew was tight, solid. There wasn’t nothin’ we couldn’t handle. We’d find the problem, fix it, and get our asses underway, back on mission.”

“The dream?” Cas whispered. He was still by the door, giving Benny his space. He’d had... issues like this before, he knew the mental frenzy of it. Hurting Dean was an accident, but until Benny was truly out of it, he couldn’t take any chances.

Benny chuckled, a dark tint to the sound. “It was nothin’,” he said. “An equipment malfunction and two inches of water at a depth of less than twenty feet. It was over in thirty seconds. But whenever it rains... every fucking time.” He raked a hand through his hair, fingernails scraping across his scalp. He needed to _feel_ , to know he was really here. Something to ground him, anything.

“Trauma response isn’t rational,” Cas said. “You said equipment malfunction?”

“Yeah. All systems said we were closed, we were watertight. It was wrong.” Damn machines... and now he paid for it with his sanity.

“Then it was something you couldn’t predict or control,” Cas said. “I understand why that situation would haunt you.”

“It’s been years,” Benny hissed. “This is the only nightmare left.” Air slipped between his teeth in a deep growl. “An’ now I’ve hurt Dean because of it.”

“Dean understands. He loves us for our flaws, not in spite of them.” Their relationship was living proof of that. Cas had hurt Dean to save him a greater pain, and he took him back regardless of his horrible behavior. If that wasn’t loving his faults, Cas didn’t know what was.

“Fuck, Cas,” Benny sighed. “You sound like a damn fortune cookie.” Didn’t mean he was wrong.

Crossing the room, Cas held his hand out, palm up, and waited for Benny to take it. He would wait all night if need be. Dean didn’t have the monopoly on stubborn, not here. Benny shook his head and took the hand, letting Cas pull him to his feet.

Cas brushed his hands over Benny’s chest, feeling the hard muscles and soft pudge with equal favor. From what he knew of Navy men, they were heavily inked, more so than most other branches. Benny didn’t have any tattoos and Cas had never asked why. Secret missions and what not, he was familiar with the territory. He wasn’t as familiar with Benny’s body as he was with Dean’s. Time to change that.

Hands on Benny’s hips, he turned them around, backing himself up to the bathroom counter. “I can’t make the nightmares go away. If I could, mine would be long gone. Talking helps.” Swiping his fingers across the waistband of Benny’s boxers, Cas saw the first stirrings of his cock. Good, he was mostly out of it, it was difficult to have an erection while in the throes of a flashback. “I understand you don’t want to scare Dean. You won’t scare me.”

Of course, Cas would understand. Hell, he’d just gotten out. Memories would probably play in vivid technicolor for him. He cupped the back of Cas’ head, fingers curling in the hair at the base of his neck. “All this time, I thought he was the only thing we had in common.”

“Maybe at first.” Without another word, Cas slipped slowly to the floor.

Crouching on the cool tiles, he pulled Benny closer, pinning himself between the counter and Benny’s body. He pulled at Benny’s arms, planting them on the sink. Fingers tugged at the waistband of his boxers, sliding them down to pool at his feet. “Cas?” Benny asked.

Eyes as deep as the oceans he used to sail looked up at him. “Clear your mind,” Cas said. His mouth dropped open and Benny gasped.

Plush lips wrapped around his half hard cock, sucking him down in one go. As soon as he’d started, Cas pulled off. “Clear your mind,” he repeated. He peppered kisses up and down Benny’s cock, making sure every inch of him got the proper attention. His cock hardened so fast, he felt light headed in all the right ways. “The memory haunts you because you felt out of control. Take the control back.” He swallowed him down again and Benny moaned. Head still, he grabbed Benny’s hips and pulled him forward once, twice, until he got the idea.

Control, it was something Benny had in spades, something he didn’t mind letting go of to please another. As long as everyone left happy, he didn’t care how things went. But spiraling like this, even in a dream, shook Benny to his core. And here was Cas, another strong, in control kind of guy, willingly giving Benny the go ahead to take the lead. He could grab Cas by the hair and fuck his face until he couldn’t breathe, but Cas trusted that he wouldn’t. He had to walk the fine edge of his own pleasure and his partner’s comfort. He could do that blindfolded.

With his hands braced on the sink and Cas kneeling, trapped between him and the counter, Benny pumped his hips forward. Spit slick lips accepted him easily, a talented tongue lashing at his cock, taking whatever it was given. He fell into a steady pace, shallow thrusts to spare Cas’ poor throat but still hit the spot. Cas grabbed at his ass, pulling him in deeper. That’s right, Cas could deep throat like nobody's business. Maybe he didn’t have to be so gentle after all. He went deeper and Cas moaned. The sound sent a rumble down his cock and Benny felt himself getting closer.

This was real, really here. He wasn’t in that tin can. He had one gorgeous man pinned under him and another awaiting their return. This was his life, this was true. He would never have to drown again.

Benny came with a shout, hips stuttering, pushing down Cas’ throat one last time. He felt Cas swallow around him, drinking down his come. The thought made him shudder, one last pulse of pleasure spiraling through him.

Once he was good and empty, he stepped back and helped Cas to his feet. “You okay?” he asked. Experienced or not, his idea or whathaveyou, putting a man between a wall and a body wasn’t the most sportsmanlike behavior in the world.

“Yes,” Cas said. He wiped a hand across his lips, chasing away spit and the last drop of come. “As I said: you won’t scare me.” He took Benny’s hand and squeezed, smiling wide. “Come, Dean will be worried.”

~

The bathroom door opened and Dean had to stomp down the urge to jump at them both. First there was whispered voices, growled curses and what sounded like tears, then suddenly there was grunting and moaning. He’d almost rushed the door twice, but he knew Cas had it under control.

They walked out and Benny went right to Dean, hands going straight to his chest. “I’m so sorry, cher. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“It’s fine, I’m fine.” He looked back forth between the two men. Cas’ hair was mussed and his lips were puffy, the way they were after he gave Dean a blow job. “What happened?”

“Nothin’,” Benny said. He kissed Dean and Cas came up beside them, hands brushing both their waists. It wasn’t usually like that. Benny on one side, Cas on the other, him in the middle. That’s how it always was. Now Benny was holding him and Cas was squeezing them both tight.

Dean pulled back, breaking the kiss. He waggled a finger at them. “I have a meeting in like four hours, so you two are definitely going to explain tomorrow.”

“Yes, of course,” Cas said.

“Anything you want.”

They all settled back in bed, Dean in between them like always. Only this time, Benny reached across his chest and brushed his fingers down Cas’ cheek. No, no, sleep first. Dean put it out of his mind. He really should be happy they were getting along in the first place, anything else was just a bonus.

 


	2. Cas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas has nightmares of his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just so we're all aware: I am romanticizing a lot here. Flashbacks and nightmares don't usually work like this, but it is fanfiction we're talking about.
> 
> Not beta'd, all mistakes are mine. If anyone notices a typo, please include it in your comment and it'll be seen to. I'm not sure how far I'm going with this series, but I hope everyone's enjoying it so far.

Sand stretched for miles in shades of brown and tan. The sand at Castiel’s feet was red, soaked with blood gushing from the man held at his side. _You’ve been hit as well_ , his mind dimly registered the searing pain in his leg. It was just a flesh wound, he could keep going, he had to get them to safety.

And yet, there was none. No buildings to hide behind, nowhere to take cover. An endless ocean of sand stretched out in front of him. There had to be somewhere. Tightening his grip on his partner, Castiel started walking. He would find a safe place in time, he would save his friend.

“Cas...” the man next to him groaned, barely more than a whisper. The voice twinged in the back of his head. It wasn’t right, it wasn’t supposed to be here. No, ignore it. Push on for a safe place.

The endless desert continued, on and on, for miles. The adrenaline wore off faster than usual and Castiel started to crumble. Minding the other man, he laid him down on the sand. If there was no safe place for triage, here would have to do.

“Listen to me,” Castiel said as he pulled at his friend’s uniform. “I’m going to make a tourniquet from your belt. It’ll hurt but you need to remain still.”

“Cas,” he said again. “Cas, please, help.”

That voice didn’t belong here. Forgetting the wound in front of him, Castiel looked up. Clear green eyes looked back at him, tears stinging the corners. “Dean!” he shouted.

“Cas?”

“Dean!” Blankets, blankets everywhere, and he still couldn’t find Dean. His chest pinched in what he knew was a panic attack, but it didn’t matter now, he would panic later, he had to find Dean first. Spots popped in his vision and he couldn’t see a damn thing!

“Cas?” Another voice, Benny.

“I need Dean!” Voice tight with panic, he barely got the words out. Benny would know, Benny would understand.

Warm skin pressed against him. “Shh, Cas, I’m here.” He threw his arms around Dean and Castiel felt his chest expand. He pushed his nose into Dean’s hair and breathed again. One more deep breath and his vision cleared.

It was a dream, he knew that. A fractured memory from his mission, where one of the men looked too much like Dean for comfort. Then, Castiel had to watch that man die. He was sad for the fallen comrade but they had to move on. The mission mattered more than anything. Then, one night, Castiel closed his eyes and saw Dean’s face instead of that young man’s. Dean’s blood painting the desert red, covering his hands.

He knew it was his fault. He’d tried so hard to leave Dean behind when he left. He couldn’t afford distractions. But the other men, with their talk of loved ones waiting, pretty girls and guys, the love of their lives. It ate at him, and one night he turned to the small photo of Dean he’d taken with him. It was just his business card with one of those corporate headshots in the corner. The tiny photo did nothing to show Dean’s beauty, but it was enough to plant the thought in his mind: Castiel had to get home, he had to see Dean again. That became his drive, the thing that pushed him through the days: Dean’s face, Dean’s voice, Dean’s smell. Just... Dean.

He took another deep breath. A large hand skated down his arm, not Dean’s. Moving up and down, it helped gentle him out of the nightmare. “Shh,” Benny whispered. “It’s alright. Dean’s right here. He’s not goin’ anywhere, neither am I.”

“Thank you,” Castiel said. With Dean’s comforting weight on top of him, grounding him, he felt the last threads of the nightmare fall away.

Benny didn’t need to ask about the nightmare, and Dean knew better by now. As soon as he knew Cas was stable enough, he got out of bed and walked around to the other side, sliding back in next to Cas. Dean rolled off to Cas’ side and now, he was the one in the middle.

“It’s okay,” Benny whispered. He kissed the back of Cas’ neck, hands brushing over his hips and stomach as Cas held tight to Dean. “Cas,” the whispered breath hot on his ear. “What do you need?”

“This.” He let out a breath and felt his muscles start to relax. Fingers tangled in Dean’s hair, covering himself in Dean’s smell.

Dean never went to the office without a spritz of cologne and a tie chosen for power. After a day of meetings and handshakes, he never smelled quite right. Cas and Benny didn’t care for it, but fresh from the shower before bed and Dean smelled like himself again. Cas let it ground him, holding him in this place.

Nightmares were unpredictable beasts and sometimes, sex was the last thing Cas wanted. Not tonight. His touches were half there to comfort himself, half to arouse Dean. He knew the younger man couldn’t resist for long. A half-hard cock rubbed against Cas’ hip and he smiled. That would do nicely.

“Sorry,” Dean said and tried to shift away. “I know that’s not... ideal.” Cas held him tight, checking for any signs of protest as he stripped away Dean’s pajama bottoms. Dean smiled, finally on the same page and kicked the fabric off. Benny grabbed the discarded clothing and threw it from the bed, making sure nothing got between Cas and what he needed.

“Alright?” he asked. Dean nodded and Cas rolled them over, grabbing Dean’s ankles. He got the idea and wrapped his legs around Cas’ hips.

While Cas had himself and nice long feel, Benny opened the supply drawer and got the lube out. They hadn’t talked much about their respective nightmares, but it didn’t take a genius to know Cas’ concerned Dean. Trauma took many different forms and he’d seen it before: concern for a loved one blurred memories together. The brain was a tricky son of a bitch like that. Sometimes the only way to snap out of that mental howl was to know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, what was real and what was not. If Cas needed to feel how real Dean was, that’s what they’d do for him.

Cas’ hands were still shaking when he reached for the lube. “Shh, shh,” Benny whispered. “I got this, brother.”

It took some creativity but Benny managed to prep Dean while Cas slicked his own cock. Benny’s thick fingers gave a better stretch anyways, and though Cas would never want to hurt Dean, he didn’t trust how careful he could be right now. The need to touch and feel was almost too much, he needed an anchor.

All said and done, Cas sank into Dean’s tight heat. They both cried out, Cas’ moan almost a sob. He drew back, then thrust again, making Dean moan, the sound echoing inside his head. Yes, Dean was here with him. It was another boy who died in that desert so far away. Dean was here, touching him, kissing him, holding on to Cas with all he had.

Benny lay on the bed next to them, waiting patiently for this to play out. He brushed a hand down Cas’ back and felt his muscles tense. He was close. Suddenly, Cas buried his face in Dean’s neck and shouted, hips stuttering through a few incomplete thrusts before slamming home. Dean managed to get a hand between them and jerked himself quickly. He shuddered, going off just as Cas finished.

Cas’ muscles gave out and he sagged on top of Dean. Benny left them to come down and walked to the bathroom. Two damp washcloths in hand, he waited for them to pull apart.

Using what felt like that last of his strength, Cas rolled off Dean, eyes finding Benny. “Thank you,” he said.

Benny shrugged, already cleaning the sweat and come from Dean’s chest. “Don’t thank me, Dean did all the work.” He used the other cloth to clean Cas’ softening cock before chucking both in the hamper and climbing back in bed. “You all good?”

“I am back to my senses, yes.” Cas’ hand closed around Benny’s cock, making him jump a little. “It’s your turn now.”

Benny shook his head and pushed the hand away. “Much as I appreciate the thought, this wasn’t about me.” He pressed a quick kiss to Cas’ lips and pulled the blankets up to cover them. “C’mon now, let’s get some shut eye.”

Spooning up behind Cas, Benny wrapped his arms around the smaller man. On his other side, Dean pressed in close and tangled their legs together. Cas felt sleep pulling at his eyes and settled in as well. He’d just have to catch Benny tomorrow and show his gratitude then.

The End


End file.
